Hi Everyone,
I figured I would give you an update about my work situation. The rest of the week has been equally stressful as it was earlier. More crises came up at work which had to be dealt with. I suppose that is one of the hardest things I find about my work - the surprises. I feel like I have everything under control and then another thing comes up and I have to jump into crisis mode. It's terrible for my anxiety and I am starting to get physical symptoms too like chest pain. My supervisor is not helping either. The other day she said that basically my clients like her more than me. Sigh. That was the last thing I needed to hear at the end of a very long week. What she doesn't understand is that I need to ensure my programs are following policy and I can't always be their best friend. It is not that I am mean to them or unfair, I am just doing my job. And not being in a front line position, I don't think my supervisor can understand that. She then also gave me a dig about how much time I had spent at a program. Another sigh. I don't know if I intimidate her or she thinks I will eventually go after her job but that's not the case. Maybe this is one of the drawbacks in working in a mostly female dominated field - the drama.
For the past several weeks I have been considering my options. I have enough debt that I need to stay at this job for at least 3-5 years. I wonder about transferring to another position within my agency after that but to be honest I am getting tired of dealing with the public and having a caseload. Since I am an introvert I am wondering if I should look at something quieter and more suited to my character. I believe I went into social work with the best intentions of wanting to help people but there are so many other things involved. I would love for my world to be more concrete instead of constantly having to consult and interpret grey policies to do my job. I suppose it's more independence I am after. But I don't want to consider a large decrease in pay either. I have looked at some online certificate programs that are quite different from social work - but I feel that eventually I will become unsatisfied with those jobs as well.
I am greatly inspired when I read stories of people leaving their cubicles to travel but I don't know if I am that adventurous. I have done my best to limit my obligations - I have no husband or children but I do have my debts. However, once they are paid I will have more freedom. Of course, there is also the option of staying in my job and field. New supervisors and management will come and then go. The agency will change and so will my duties in the future. I could travel more as a way of making up for my stress at work but I am afraid of becoming angry and bitter inside. Maybe the key is getting out of an office environment or finding a job where I can work more on my own with a routine set of tasks since I seem to do better with routine.
My mother has suggested I speak to a career counselor about my options and I agree with her. It is something I am going to pursue in the new year. She asks me when I am going to stay in one job for a while and stop moving around. To be honest I don't find that very fair. Several of my co-workers have tried different social work jobs and there are others who I know who have left the field entirely. It's a fine balance for me, I need to protect my health while also supporting myself. I think a lot of people are in this boat and not just social workers. Society puts a lot of demands on us - to be confident, successful, wealthy, expert multi-taskers. And if we don't fit or reject the mould we are seen as social misfits and questioned by any and all. But deep down I think a lot of us are just trying to find our place in this world and many through our jobs. However, since I don't see my situation changing any time soon I have resolved this week that I am not going to let the drama and crises get to me since I won't be in this job forever.
As Always,
Patti
Sunday 27 October 2013
Wednesday 23 October 2013
Supervision and the Social Worker
Hello Dear Readers,
As promised, I am updating more regularly now!
I am experiencing something at work which I would like to discuss. For the most part I have a great supervisor. We hang out sometimes outside of work, and she is usually readily available to go over questions or complex situations with me. She is close in age to me and we have some common interests. The problem I am having is that at home she texts me about work. This in turn gets me anxious about work because I am not there to address the issues. Another big problem is that when something goes wrong at work she makes me feel responsible for it, even when it is out of my control. If a client wants our agency to do something for them and it does not necessarily follow policy she makes me feel like the bad guy for questioning it. However if something was to go wrong I know I would get in trouble. I work very hard for my clients and am very thorough in my process however my supervisor constantly points out flaws in my methods. I always get my work done well but it never feels good enough. It's like I am always doing something wrong and it eats at my self esteem and confidence. It's like I will never be good enough at my job or have enough knowledge as she has.
Hmm, what is a social worker to do? I feel like she is selling me out and siding with my clients when it is convenient to her. It's times like this I want to run away screaming from my social work/office environment. And when I say office environment I mean that I know this happens at many other work places. It is not exclusive just to social workers. In sucks knowing that your supervisor does not have your back - and that they do not care about your feelings. And as my mother likes to say, your boss is not your friend. This is one of the reasons why I cannot see myself in a management position. This is because the higher up you go the more political your position becomes. You become terrified the clients will complain if they don't get what they want. And that is the problem with having such a public social work job - everyone is watching for your decisions but you can't make everyone happy.
As Always,
Patti
As promised, I am updating more regularly now!
I am experiencing something at work which I would like to discuss. For the most part I have a great supervisor. We hang out sometimes outside of work, and she is usually readily available to go over questions or complex situations with me. She is close in age to me and we have some common interests. The problem I am having is that at home she texts me about work. This in turn gets me anxious about work because I am not there to address the issues. Another big problem is that when something goes wrong at work she makes me feel responsible for it, even when it is out of my control. If a client wants our agency to do something for them and it does not necessarily follow policy she makes me feel like the bad guy for questioning it. However if something was to go wrong I know I would get in trouble. I work very hard for my clients and am very thorough in my process however my supervisor constantly points out flaws in my methods. I always get my work done well but it never feels good enough. It's like I am always doing something wrong and it eats at my self esteem and confidence. It's like I will never be good enough at my job or have enough knowledge as she has.
Hmm, what is a social worker to do? I feel like she is selling me out and siding with my clients when it is convenient to her. It's times like this I want to run away screaming from my social work/office environment. And when I say office environment I mean that I know this happens at many other work places. It is not exclusive just to social workers. In sucks knowing that your supervisor does not have your back - and that they do not care about your feelings. And as my mother likes to say, your boss is not your friend. This is one of the reasons why I cannot see myself in a management position. This is because the higher up you go the more political your position becomes. You become terrified the clients will complain if they don't get what they want. And that is the problem with having such a public social work job - everyone is watching for your decisions but you can't make everyone happy.
As Always,
Patti
Sunday 20 October 2013
The Overly Stressed Social Worker
Hello Readers,
Sorry there is no picture with this blog post today but I just got a new computer and only realize now that I should have gotten a mouse!
One big reason as to why I have not been writing regularly is because of my very broken computer. I kept it for as long as I could since it has a nostalgia factor for me. You see my mother bought it for me when I first became a social worker which was during a time when I didn`t have much money. It was an unbelievably generous gift on her part but I figure it`s time to move on since it is hard to type a blog on my cellphone.
Now I will give you all an update on my work situation. It has been extremely busy and stressful lately. Even though I do not have a traditional social work job any more I still have a caseload. And several of the clients on my caseload are having difficulties - which I am even hearing about from the community. Many of my clients are expecting me to make big decisions for them. They are wanting me to be the bad guy to those they are accountable to. And overall I am feeling trapped by grey policies which I am trying to interpret to the best of my abilities. My supervisor is not being supportive and right now the expectations I have on me are pretty ridiculous. I have a lot of paperwork due soon and I seriously question how it is all going to get done. And the worst part is I feel like my superiors will be judging me on my performance which they will likely view as inadequate when I cannot meet these deadlines. Ugh! I try and explain to those around me that I have a lot of responsibility and accountability in my job but I don`t think they quite grasp it.
For many social work jobs the pressure that is put on us is considerable. Our decisions, actions and inactions have far reaching consequences. Lives are impacted by what we do - and it is often the safety and security of others that can be effected. We have a lot of people looking at us - especially when there are problems. And where I work I cannot escape my clients - I run into them all the time in the community. Therefore I am always the social worker, even in my personal life.
I think my problem is I care deeply for my work. I try and give it 110% everyday and I don`t like it when the odds get stacked against me backing me into a corner. I hate how things become my fault when I have no control over these crises in the first place. I suppose it is the amount of responsibility that is truly getting me down.
And whenever work becomes overly stressful and intimidating I begin to daydream about a different life. Like most people I begin to wonder what it would be like if I was doing something else. I wonder about a job where it wouldn`t be suggested to me I take anxiety medication in order to `cope` with it. I dream about a job which is more concrete - where making decisions isn`t so hard because you have so many details and possibilities to consider. I imagine a job that has regular hours and where my employers respect my home life balance.
Overall I think about how much social work has taken from me. In general I feel exhausted after all I went through since becoming a social worker. I don`t know if there is a magically right job for me. But maybe social work just doesn`t match my personality no matter how hard I try and make it fit. All I know is that I have a lot of searching that I need to do and it is going to take time. I am wondering if this is the last social work job I will do. And I am seriously considering about moving on from this field in the future i.e within the next five years or so. Whatever I do next, I hope it is quieter. And the amount of money I get paid will not be the priority. I have learned that more money does not make you happier.
Anyway, I hope I did not depress you my dear readers with the update on my work situation. Honestly, the rest of my life is going fantastic! And I am very grateful for that as nothing is worse than having both your personal and professional life going awfully at the same time!
Also, now that I got my new computer you can be sure that I will be updating my blog more regularly!
As Always,
Patti
Sorry there is no picture with this blog post today but I just got a new computer and only realize now that I should have gotten a mouse!
One big reason as to why I have not been writing regularly is because of my very broken computer. I kept it for as long as I could since it has a nostalgia factor for me. You see my mother bought it for me when I first became a social worker which was during a time when I didn`t have much money. It was an unbelievably generous gift on her part but I figure it`s time to move on since it is hard to type a blog on my cellphone.
Now I will give you all an update on my work situation. It has been extremely busy and stressful lately. Even though I do not have a traditional social work job any more I still have a caseload. And several of the clients on my caseload are having difficulties - which I am even hearing about from the community. Many of my clients are expecting me to make big decisions for them. They are wanting me to be the bad guy to those they are accountable to. And overall I am feeling trapped by grey policies which I am trying to interpret to the best of my abilities. My supervisor is not being supportive and right now the expectations I have on me are pretty ridiculous. I have a lot of paperwork due soon and I seriously question how it is all going to get done. And the worst part is I feel like my superiors will be judging me on my performance which they will likely view as inadequate when I cannot meet these deadlines. Ugh! I try and explain to those around me that I have a lot of responsibility and accountability in my job but I don`t think they quite grasp it.
For many social work jobs the pressure that is put on us is considerable. Our decisions, actions and inactions have far reaching consequences. Lives are impacted by what we do - and it is often the safety and security of others that can be effected. We have a lot of people looking at us - especially when there are problems. And where I work I cannot escape my clients - I run into them all the time in the community. Therefore I am always the social worker, even in my personal life.
I think my problem is I care deeply for my work. I try and give it 110% everyday and I don`t like it when the odds get stacked against me backing me into a corner. I hate how things become my fault when I have no control over these crises in the first place. I suppose it is the amount of responsibility that is truly getting me down.
And whenever work becomes overly stressful and intimidating I begin to daydream about a different life. Like most people I begin to wonder what it would be like if I was doing something else. I wonder about a job where it wouldn`t be suggested to me I take anxiety medication in order to `cope` with it. I dream about a job which is more concrete - where making decisions isn`t so hard because you have so many details and possibilities to consider. I imagine a job that has regular hours and where my employers respect my home life balance.
Overall I think about how much social work has taken from me. In general I feel exhausted after all I went through since becoming a social worker. I don`t know if there is a magically right job for me. But maybe social work just doesn`t match my personality no matter how hard I try and make it fit. All I know is that I have a lot of searching that I need to do and it is going to take time. I am wondering if this is the last social work job I will do. And I am seriously considering about moving on from this field in the future i.e within the next five years or so. Whatever I do next, I hope it is quieter. And the amount of money I get paid will not be the priority. I have learned that more money does not make you happier.
Anyway, I hope I did not depress you my dear readers with the update on my work situation. Honestly, the rest of my life is going fantastic! And I am very grateful for that as nothing is worse than having both your personal and professional life going awfully at the same time!
Also, now that I got my new computer you can be sure that I will be updating my blog more regularly!
As Always,
Patti
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