Saturday 20 April 2013

Dating and the Social Worker



I know in early posts this year I mentioned the possibility that I would begin dating again.  The last serious boyfriend I had was before I entered social work school and I do not want to say how many years ago that  has been!

To be honest, it just wasn't a priority.  I had to move away for school and I did not know if I would be staying in that city after I graduated.  Then once I did move across the country and get a social work job, I was more focused on keeping my head above water rather then review my relationship prospects!  Sure, I did a little dating here and there but I just did not have the energy to commit myself to a relationship.  Emotionally I did not have anything left to give to a significant other at the end of the day.  And I wanted my peace and quiet after putting in a long and stressful work day which would often go past the traditional 8 hours!

However, when I got my new social work position last year it provided me with more stability in my life - regular working hours, predictable work environment, clear expectations, and a lack of emotional abuse from clients.  It was refreshing.  And it also gave me with the opportunity to consider other aspects of my life I had been neglecting.

After some cajoling from co-workers and family I decided to wade my baby toe into the tidal wave that is dating.  There were some blips along the way, I got hurt and disappointed but in true social worker fashion I refused to give up - I wanted to have a positive outcome!

So I put in the effort, had a list of qualities in mind which were essential in my future mate and crossed my fingers that I would meet someone special.

I am sure for many social workers, especially those who have been in the field for a long time, our faith in humanity can sometimes falter.  We see the worst of the worst as reflected in negative human behaviour and we often become jaded to the fact that there are any good people left in this world.  I know I had my moments where I wondered if I could find an honest, loyal, good natured guy who would respect me and not use my heart as a punching bag.

It took some effort, but I did find someone who met my above qualifications.  No, he is not perfect, but neither am I.  He does not work in the same field as me, however he understands people.  He is funny, down to earth and emotionally accessible.  Will he ever understand the true nature of the work that I have done as a social worker?  Probably not, no matter how much he tries to empathize.  I often think of our roles as similar to those of police officers, nurses and teachers.  We are part of a helping profession brotherhood and there are some things we have seen that we wish we could forget.  But we also have to be open to moving on.  We do not want to taint what is most precious to us.

Overall, in life we have major crossroads and smaller forks in the road.  After journeying down a new path I decided to take a fork in the road, a type of fork I had not been down in a long time. I needed career stability in my life before I was able to cautiously step forward on this new road and so far, it has been worth it.

As Always,

Patti


The Road Not Taken


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To were it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost


Thursday 18 April 2013

Depression and the Social Worker



There are a lot of depressed social workers out there.  Some of your colleagues may have confided in you that they have depression or you may even have depression yourself.  And now I am about to let you in on a little secret...I suffer from depression.

I got diagnosed as having major depression, or what I like to think of as chronic depression after I became a social worker.  I am sure I had depression growing up as a child based on the symptoms I experienced which included: unable to feel happy, guilt, hopelessness, overeating, stomachaches and having low self-esteem.  Throughout my childhood I struggled with these negative feelings and they followed me into adulthood.

There is some debate on whether or not a person with a mental illness should lower their expectations when it comes to their personal and career goals.  Stress can often worsen the symptoms of depression and make the illness nearly unbearable.  However, there are those that say if you really want something you should go for it.  I do wonder if I would have gotten into the field of social work if I was given the diagnosis of depression at an earlier age.  At times the stress that comes with the job has been overwhelming and it has affected my personal relationships and how I view myself.  Due to the unpredictable nature of the job and the constant crises it is challenging to keep my emotions stable.

I just cannot handle high stress front line social work positions anymore.  And I seriously doubt if I ever had the mental reserve to do it in the first place.  Now, I still have contact with clients, however my work is less crisis driven and more collaborative.  The stories that people share with me are not worthy of causing me secondary trauma.  I still get to help people but in a more clearly defined way.  And 99 % of the time they don't try and make it personal.  They understand I am a professional doing my job within my scope of practice and no lives are on the line.  I can finally breathe.

However, depression is like a slippery snake, hiding in the underbrush and ready to strike - especially when you do not expect it.  It has found me in my new job as well.  It threatens to rob me of my successes as my mind focuses only on the mistakes I have made.  I take the actions and words of my co-workers far too personally and I become very emotionally vulnerable.  However, I hold all this in while I am at work and I collapse emotionally when I get home.  I don't want to be around people - I only want to be surrounded by silence.  And I want no additional expectations placed on me in my personal life because I feel like one more thing will make me explode.  I reach my threshold of emotional tolerance and then I need a break from the world.  I hibernate and usually it provides me with an opportunity to get over my negative feelings.  I just let those closest to me know how I am feeling, and  acknowledge that the unhappiness needs to run it's course before it frees me from it's grip.  I also ensure that I take the medication I am prescribed for my depression every day as I cannot afford physically, emotionally, socially or spiritually to stop functioning.  I always want to keep working.

I don't know what advice I can give to any social workers reading this post suffering from depression since it is such a personal biological and emotional mental illness.  Am I going to tell you that you are in the wrong field since you have depression?  No.  But I can tell you that having depression will make your job as a social worker even more challenging.  You will be exposed to poverty, loneliness, suicide, disease, disability, injustice, hopelessness, incarceration and more in your position as a social worker - things that many members of the general public without depression would not want to deal with.  All I can recommend is that you take care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally as a social worker.  Do not make the mistake of putting everyone else's needs above your own.  Try not to take your work home with you at the end of the day, try not to obsess about what you could or shouldn't have done endlessly.  Remember that there was someone doing your job before you came along and there will be someone to replace you when you eventually leave.

So take care my dear readers and know that if you have depression there is nothing wrong with you - you are an amazing social worker despite having this mental illness.

Patti