Lately, my professional and personal life have developed into a quiet routine. I know what to expect at work, I am in a stable relationship, I regularly volunteer, and I am keeping up my connections with friends and family. So finally, after so much searching and hoping, I have certainty in my life.
Then why is it during these moments of silent contentment do we get a nagging sense that we should be doing more? Like at home at work we should be taking on more adventures to challenge us?
I wonder if after many years of dealing with crises as a social worker I have become addicted to the drama. I am quite experienced at facing difficult situations, and having to deal with it head on rationally. The reason why I wanted to become a social worker is because I wanted to save people. Not very realistic, I know but I was naive before I entered this field. I am not so idealistic now, realizing that people have their own responsibility to address their issues and that we as social workers are more of a guide then a Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It to all their life's problems.
And honestly, being on a perpetual roller coaster is emotionally exhausting. I have had social work jobs that were constantly stressful as there was no predictability. I have also felt at times that personally I had no means of achieving my life's goals because I was so drained because of my job.
But now, almost a year into my new social work job, both sides of my life have reached a balance - for the first time in many years. The crises I deal with at this new job are more moderate and fewer and fewer in between than the ones I have faced previously as a front line child welfare worker. And personally, I have eradicated all that I have found to be stressful in my life. I go home in the evenings after work and I have my own quiet routine. I can get things done but I can also relax. I am actually feeling productive and well rested.
Work life balance. I have finally found that elusive myth and discovered that it's real. Sure, there are still things I could improve on like getting into better shape but overall I am healthy both physically and mentally and to me that is precious. I am learning to love my life with the realization that I cannot have it all.
Yet, I do get those feelings that I should volunteer internationally on my vacation, take part time courses relating to my field and consider moving on to the supervisor track at work. However, I have reached a balance where I am feeling efficient and competent in my life. I have labelled what is most important to me in my life and made it a priority to only have people and things in my life which I value. It means having to say "no" sometimes but it is worth it since I feel like I am living my life authentically and true to myself. But one weakness I have is that like most people I can at times be materialistic. I can't help but daydream about all the fantastic vacations I want to take, the additional professional degrees/certificates I can accumulate, the expensive furniture and clothing I could buy, and the amazing gifts I can get for my loved ones. But I do not have the money for this, as I acquired debt while going to school for social work. And really, should I be trying to buy others love or buying objects just for the sake of accumulating them?
The simple life. Letting go and living it is not so simple. But it is worth it to be happy with what you have, as you don't realize how complicated life can get when you are busy overreaching.
Take care,
Patti
Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
- Guillaume Apollinaire
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