There are a lot of depressed social workers out there. Some of your colleagues may have confided in you that they have depression or you may even have depression yourself. And now I am about to let you in on a little secret...I suffer from depression.
I got diagnosed as having major depression, or what I like to think of as chronic depression after I became a social worker. I am sure I had depression growing up as a child based on the symptoms I experienced which included: unable to feel happy, guilt, hopelessness, overeating, stomachaches and having low self-esteem. Throughout my childhood I struggled with these negative feelings and they followed me into adulthood.
There is some debate on whether or not a person with a mental illness should lower their expectations when it comes to their personal and career goals. Stress can often worsen the symptoms of depression and make the illness nearly unbearable. However, there are those that say if you really want something you should go for it. I do wonder if I would have gotten into the field of social work if I was given the diagnosis of depression at an earlier age. At times the stress that comes with the job has been overwhelming and it has affected my personal relationships and how I view myself. Due to the unpredictable nature of the job and the constant crises it is challenging to keep my emotions stable.
I just cannot handle high stress front line social work positions anymore. And I seriously doubt if I ever had the mental reserve to do it in the first place. Now, I still have contact with clients, however my work is less crisis driven and more collaborative. The stories that people share with me are not worthy of causing me secondary trauma. I still get to help people but in a more clearly defined way. And 99 % of the time they don't try and make it personal. They understand I am a professional doing my job within my scope of practice and no lives are on the line. I can finally breathe.
However, depression is like a slippery snake, hiding in the underbrush and ready to strike - especially when you do not expect it. It has found me in my new job as well. It threatens to rob me of my successes as my mind focuses only on the mistakes I have made. I take the actions and words of my co-workers far too personally and I become very emotionally vulnerable. However, I hold all this in while I am at work and I collapse emotionally when I get home. I don't want to be around people - I only want to be surrounded by silence. And I want no additional expectations placed on me in my personal life because I feel like one more thing will make me explode. I reach my threshold of emotional tolerance and then I need a break from the world. I hibernate and usually it provides me with an opportunity to get over my negative feelings. I just let those closest to me know how I am feeling, and acknowledge that the unhappiness needs to run it's course before it frees me from it's grip. I also ensure that I take the medication I am prescribed for my depression every day as I cannot afford physically, emotionally, socially or spiritually to stop functioning. I always want to keep working.
I don't know what advice I can give to any social workers reading this post suffering from depression since it is such a personal biological and emotional mental illness. Am I going to tell you that you are in the wrong field since you have depression? No. But I can tell you that having depression will make your job as a social worker even more challenging. You will be exposed to poverty, loneliness, suicide, disease, disability, injustice, hopelessness, incarceration and more in your position as a social worker - things that many members of the general public without depression would not want to deal with. All I can recommend is that you take care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally as a social worker. Do not make the mistake of putting everyone else's needs above your own. Try not to take your work home with you at the end of the day, try not to obsess about what you could or shouldn't have done endlessly. Remember that there was someone doing your job before you came along and there will be someone to replace you when you eventually leave.
So take care my dear readers and know that if you have depression there is nothing wrong with you - you are an amazing social worker despite having this mental illness.
Patti
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