Supervisor Update Part 1

Hi Everyone,

I figured I would give you an update about my work situation.  The rest of the week has been equally stressful as it was earlier.  More crises came up at work which had to be dealt with.  I suppose that is one of  the hardest things I find about my work - the surprises.  I feel like I have everything under control and then another thing comes up and I have to jump into crisis mode.  It's terrible for my anxiety and I am starting to get physical symptoms too like chest pain.  My supervisor is not helping either.  The other day she said that basically my clients like her more than me.  Sigh.  That was the last thing I needed to hear at the end of a very long week.  What she doesn't understand is that I need to ensure my programs are following policy and I can't always be their best friend.  It is not that I am mean to them or unfair, I am just doing my job.  And not being in a front line position, I don't think my supervisor can understand that.  She then also gave me a dig about how much time I had spent at a program.  Another sigh.  I don't know if I intimidate her or she thinks I will eventually go after her job but that's not the case.  Maybe this is one of the drawbacks in working in a mostly female dominated field - the drama.

For the past several weeks I have been considering my options.  I have enough debt that I need to stay at this job for at least 3-5 years.  I wonder about transferring to another position within my agency after that but to be honest I am getting tired of dealing with the public and having a caseload.  Since I am an introvert I am wondering if I should look at something quieter and more suited to my character.  I believe I went into social work with the best intentions of wanting to help people but there are so many other things involved.  I would love for my world to be more concrete instead of constantly having to consult and interpret grey policies to do my job.  I suppose it's more independence I am after.  But I don't want to consider a large decrease in pay either.  I have looked at some online certificate programs that are quite different from social work - but I feel that eventually I will become unsatisfied with those jobs as well.

I am greatly inspired when I read stories of people leaving their cubicles to travel but I don't know if I am that adventurous.  I have done my best to limit my obligations - I have no husband or children but I do have my debts.  However, once they are paid I will have more freedom.  Of course, there is also the option of staying in my job and field.  New supervisors and management will come and then go.  The agency will change and so will my duties in the future.  I could travel more as a way of making up for my stress at work but I am afraid of becoming angry and bitter inside.  Maybe the key is getting out of an office environment or finding a job where I can work more on my own with a routine set of tasks since I seem to do better with routine.

My mother has suggested I speak to a career counselor about my options and I agree with her.  It is something I am going to pursue in the new year.  She asks me when I am going to stay in one job for a while and stop moving around.  To be honest I don't find that very fair.  Several of my co-workers have tried different social work jobs and there are others who I know who have left the field entirely.  It's a fine balance for me, I need to protect my health while also supporting myself.  I think a lot of people are in this boat and not just social workers.  Society puts a lot of demands on us - to be confident, successful, wealthy, expert multi-taskers.  And if we don't fit or reject the mould we are seen as social misfits and questioned by any and all.  But deep down I think a lot of us are just trying to find our place in this world and many through our jobs.  However, since I don't see my situation changing any time soon I have resolved this week that I am not going to let the drama and crises get to me since I won't be in this job forever.

As Always,

Patti

Supervision and the Social Worker

Hello Dear Readers,

As promised, I am updating more regularly now!

I am experiencing something at work which I would like to discuss.  For the most part I have a great supervisor.  We hang out sometimes outside of work, and she is usually readily available to go over questions or complex situations with me.  She is close in age to me and we have some common interests.  The problem I am having is that at home she texts me about work.  This in turn gets me anxious about work because I am not there to address the issues.  Another big problem is that when something goes wrong at work she makes me feel responsible for it, even when it is out of my control.  If a client wants our agency to do something for them and it does not necessarily follow policy she makes me feel like the bad guy for questioning it.  However if something was to go wrong I know I would get in trouble.  I work very hard for my clients and am very thorough in my process however my supervisor constantly points out flaws in my methods.  I always get my work done well but it never feels good enough.  It's like I am always doing something wrong and it eats at my self esteem and confidence.  It's like I will never be good enough at my job or have enough knowledge as she has.

Hmm, what is a social worker to do?  I feel like she is selling me out and siding with my clients when it is convenient to her.  It's times like this I want to run away screaming from my social work/office environment.  And when I say office environment I mean that I know this happens at many other work places.  It is not exclusive just to social workers.  In sucks knowing that your supervisor does not have your back - and that they do not care about your feelings.  And as my mother likes to say, your boss is not your friend.  This is one of the reasons why I cannot see myself in a management position.  This is because the higher up you go the more political your position becomes.  You become terrified the clients will complain if they don't get what they want.  And that is the problem with having such a public social work job - everyone is watching for your decisions but you can't make everyone happy.

As Always,

Patti

The Overly Stressed Social Worker

Hello Readers,

Sorry there is no picture with this blog post today but I just got a new computer and only realize now that I should have gotten a mouse!

One big reason as to why I have not been writing regularly is because of my very broken computer.  I kept it for as long as I could since it has a nostalgia factor for me.  You see my mother bought it for me when I first became a social worker which was during a time when I didn`t have much money.  It was an unbelievably generous gift on her part but I figure it`s time to move on since it is hard to type a blog on my cellphone.

Now I will give you all an update on my work situation.  It has been extremely busy and stressful lately.  Even though I do not have a traditional social work job any more I still have a caseload.  And several of the clients on my caseload are having difficulties - which I am even hearing about from the community.  Many of my clients are expecting me to make big decisions for them.  They are wanting me to be the bad guy to those they are accountable to.  And overall I am feeling trapped by grey policies which I am trying to interpret to the best of my abilities.  My supervisor is not being supportive and right now the expectations I have on me are pretty ridiculous.  I have a lot of paperwork due soon and I seriously question how it is all going to get done.  And the worst part is I feel like my superiors will be judging me on my performance which they will likely view as inadequate when I cannot meet these deadlines.  Ugh!  I try and explain to those around me that I have a lot of responsibility and accountability in my job but I don`t think they quite grasp it.

For many social work jobs the pressure that is put on us is considerable.  Our decisions, actions and inactions have far reaching consequences.  Lives are impacted by what we do - and it is often the safety and security of others that can be effected.  We have a lot of people looking at us - especially when there are problems.  And where I work I cannot escape my clients - I run into them all the time in the community.  Therefore I am always the social worker, even in my personal life.

I think my problem is I care deeply for my work.  I try and give it 110% everyday and I don`t like it when the odds get stacked against me backing me into a corner.  I hate how things become my fault when I have no control over these crises in the first place.  I suppose it is the amount of responsibility that is truly getting me down.

And whenever work becomes overly stressful and intimidating I begin to daydream about a different life.  Like most people I begin to wonder what it would be like if I was doing something else.  I wonder about a job where it wouldn`t be suggested to me I take anxiety medication in order to `cope` with it.  I dream about a job which is more concrete - where making decisions isn`t so hard because you have so many details and possibilities to consider.  I imagine a job that has regular hours and where my employers respect my home life balance.

Overall I think about how much social work has taken from me.  In general I feel exhausted after all I went through since becoming a social worker.  I don`t know if there is a magically right job for me.  But maybe social work just doesn`t match my personality no matter how hard I try and make it fit.  All I know is that I have a lot of searching that I need to do and it is going to take time.  I am wondering if this is the last social work job I will do.  And I am seriously considering about moving on from this field in the future i.e within the next five years or so.  Whatever I do next, I hope it is quieter.  And the amount of money I get paid will not be the priority.  I have learned that more money does not make you happier.

Anyway, I hope I did not depress you my dear readers with the update on my work situation.  Honestly, the rest of my life is going fantastic!  And I am very grateful for that as nothing is worse than having both your personal and professional life going awfully at the same time!

Also, now that I got my new computer you can be sure that I will be updating my blog more regularly!

As Always,

Patti

The Rejuvenated Social Worker

Hello To All My Dear Readers,

I am sorry it has been so long since I have updated my blog.  But as you all well know, life can have a habit of getting in the way.

Many changes have happened in my life since I have last written.  I went through a break-up, I passed my one year anniversary in my new job (which I guess is no longer new!), there was a death in my extended family, I had surgery, I am going to be going home very soon to see my family and I will be downsizing and moving into a smaller place.

These have all been positive changes in my life.  And perhaps the greatest change has been that I am no longer on any prescription medication for my depression and anxiety.  It has almost been 3 months and I am feeling great!  I admit I am taking natural supplements and I doubt if my depression will ever truly go away but I am feeling healthier and more in touch with my emotions.  I finally reached a point where all the crises in my life that had led me to start taking the medications had finally passed.  It is true that I still have hard days but now when a situation arises that gets me anxious or upset I have to analyze my feelings and condition myself to not to take the actions of others personally.  It is not easy and if I was still in a front line social work position I know it would all be too much for me emotionally.

I don't know about some of you but at times I think back to my life and wonder what it would have been like if I decided not to go into social work.  Would I be happier?  Would I be in less debt?  Would I be living closer to my family?  Would I have had to make so many sacrifices?  I cannot say for sure, but I am certain that I know myself better now because of the experiences I had as a social worker - which brings me to the title of this post.  I am very near to turning 30.  It feels less of a big deal to me as it does to others who want to remind me of the milestone.  But a new chapter in my life is dawning.  I am making choices in life for myself and not for others.  I have decided I am going to dedicate less of my time to helping others as I am to discovering interests of mine which I have had little chance to pursue.  I am going to focus on the small  positive acts I can  achieve through work as being enough.  I do not have to be a social worker in my personal life through volunteering or trying to solve the problems of friends, family members or boyfriends.  I intend to live a normal, regular life while also being true to myself.  I am tired of buying into the myth that we are superheros meant to save everyone but ourselves.  I have decided that for once I am going to put myself first in my life.

But I know that for others it is not so easy.  Some of you are trying to raise children or take care of elderly parents.  Or you may be trapped between student debt and a mortgage.  You feel forced to remain in your current situation and you know if you think about how you are really feeling deep down you will begin to cry.  This reminds me of a comment I recently read on this blog.  All I can tell you is that if you are feeling trapped then you MUST start to take small steps to get yourself out of the bad situation.  Others may judge, criticise or laugh at your choices but you have to life your life.  This may mean keeping your intentions private from friends, co-workers or family members until after you have made your move but once you have made one positive decision for yourself it will get easier.

As Always,

Patti

Finances and the Social Worker

Most social workers will tell you that they aren't very good at math.  That's why they didn't become engineers, accountants and so on.

As social workers, we can be involved with finances through processing benefits for our clients, determining client's eligibility for financial programs, and making sure we are regularly getting paid!

Beyond that I would say most of us social workers are clueless when it comes to finances.  And we often spend so much time and energy helping our clients that we have little time at the end of the day to take a serious look at our own financial situation.  As long as the bills are getting paid we tend not to worry.

However, there are some financial traps that social workers experience which I would like to discuss.  The first is neglecting our own financial health.  Many of us are saddled with student loans, mortgages and car loans which eat up a big chunk of our salary.  And depending on the type of agency you work for such as non-profit or government run, it can have a big impact on our salary.  When taking our first jobs out of school, many of us have taken whatever social work jobs we could get.  If you are finding yourself in that situation - having an entry social work job then make sure you are paying off your debt even if it is just the minimum.  You want to develop good financial habits before you start making more money and have the potential for making more money mistakes.

Looking back when I first began as a social worker all I had was a student loan.  I was also renting a room that was quite cheap.  Finances were not a problem for me then, however once I got a vehicle (as it was required for my job) my payments every month started to increase.

I then moved around a bit, doing different social work jobs.  This meant I had to buy furniture and eventually sell some of it.  I moved from a two bedroom apartment to renting a two bedroom house to buying my own small home.  I enjoy the independence and the quiet of where I live, however there is a cost to every decision we make.  My salary has not increased very much from when I started as a social worker but my debts have, even though I got a smaller and more fuel efficient car in the last year.  Sometimes I long for the simpler days of when I was first living in that basement apartment, but I do not miss having roommates.

Another trap social workers can fall into is eating out all the time and buying yourself nice gifts as a "reward" for all your hard work.  I admit there has been several times I have done this - go out for dinner because I am just too tired to cook, and buying a new outfit or new pair of shoes almost every week as a form of "shopping therapy."  We do so much for others that it is nice to finally do something for ourselves.  However, if this is your way of life then you will find yourself constantly broke and wondering where all your money went.  I suggest creating a chart and keeping track of your expenses if you find yourself in this boat.  And remember, you can always treat yourself to a quiet evening with a good book - taken out from the library - as a reward for a hard day's work.

As social workers we are expected to have knowledge about a lot of different areas.  We learn about housing, the justice system, the school system and more.  We also need to make it a priority to learn about finances, not only so we can give good information to our clients, but also to ourselves to ensure we are keeping in good financial health.

As always,

Patti

Pets and the Social Worker

Animals have always been a part of my life.  Since I was a child we had a cat, dogs, hamsters, a guinea pig and a rabbit.  In my early 20's I got my own dog (who is still living with my parents) and then as I moved away to start my new career as a social worker I got my small dog Bella.

Eventually Tucker, a larger dog, got added to the family.  Things stayed fairly consistent with the two dogs and then about five months ago I rescued Hurley the cat from an animal shelter.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I do not have children and I often wonder if I ever will.  My current social work job involves significant travel but overall it's a good fit for me and I cannot see myself giving up this job to start a family in the near future.  I am just not in a place in my life where I want the added responsibility and financial stress of having children.

Therefore, my animals are like my children.  They give me a lift at the end of the day when I return home from work tired.  I pet them and I can instantly feel my blood pressure lower and my breathing slow down.  Their presence helps to melt away my anxiety.

Recently though, I had to make a difficult decision when it came to my animals.  I had to give away Bella and Tucker.  Bella was constantly having accidents in my home, she consistently barked at any little noise and she and Tucker would often play fight rowdily.  There was little calm in my home, especially with Tucker being so destructive as I would often come home to a mess.

I thought about my options for a couple of months when it came to the dogs.  I loved them, and I always will, but I felt that they were exasperating my depression and I was becoming more and more agitated with their behaviour.  So, about three weeks ago I found new homes for Bella and Tucker.  It was incredibly painful and I could only tell my family about it after I did it.  In many was I felt like a failure, like I had let my dogs down.  However, I also knew that with my depression I had little motivation to walk them as much as I should and that emotionally there was little left I felt I could give them at the end of the day.  It was especially hard letting go of Bella, and I felt - and still do - a lot of guilt about giving her away.  When I was going through a lot of difficulties last year Bella was with me every step of the way and she helped me get through the tough times.  Yet, I was home with her more and able to curb her challenging behaviours by giving her increased supervision.  That was just not possible in my new social work job.

There were a lot of tears but I knew that Bella and Tucker would be in new homes where they would be the only dog and would get lots of much needed attention.  I decided to keep Hurley because as a cat he is more independent and does not require the same amount of exercise as dogs do.  One of my symptoms of depression is hibernating so if I spend the whole day inside, Hurley is alright with that.  He is also ok with short bouts of attention as after which he likes to settle down for long naps.

My boyfriend knows how much of an animal lover I am and realizes that caring for a dog is not the type of responsibility that fits with my life right now.  He is trying to talk me into getting another cat but I know how having two of the same type of animal can be three times the work.  I have visited the local animal shelter and looked at some very nice cats but I feel that Hurley is enjoying his freedom as being the only cat in my home.

Yet, for some reason yesterday when I was in a pet store, I felt drawn to the small animals.  When I was younger I had a guinea pig and a rabbit, however they require big cages and I just don't have that kind of space in my home.  I went to the hamster pen and saw several teddy bear hamsters and one smooth kind.  I picked up the smooth haired little guy and held him to me.  He seemed quite content to nibble on my jacket zipper and he did not try and leap from my arms.  He also had the most expressive eyes.  It was not my intention to get a pet when I went into the store but I considered it.  I had the space for a hamster cage and I knew that their food and bedding requirements are not very expensive.  I also knew that hamsters are social creatures but also independent.  I figured I would get much joy out of watching him in his cage and picking him up to pet him.  There was no walking required, and no vet checks.  Plus, Hurley would have a bit of company while I was at work.  So I took the leap and bought the hamster.  I quickly prepared his cage when I got home and put him inside.  He was content to sleep after his long journey and Hurley was very interested in him as he peered into Gizmo's cage.

I know that my house is complete with Hurley and Gizmo now.  There is no room for any more small animal cages and I cannot imagine where I would put another litter box if I got a second cat.  I have company and I feel that the attention that Hurley and Gizmo need from me is manageable.  I do not have anxiety if I work late, worrying that the animals desperately have to go to the washroom as they wait to be let outside.  And getting Gizmo is helping me with the pain of having to let go of Bella and Tucker.  I have wonderful memories of them but I also remember the overwhelmed feeling I had when they were here.  I believe I have found my manageable balance when it comes to my animals.  I look forward to coming home after work, knowing that there will be no destruction or messes waiting for me.  It is quieter now since Hurley only meows occasionally and I find the silence helps with my mood.

Animals can make great listeners, and the best thing is you do not have to worry about confidentiality when you debrief with them.  They do not judge, they provide unconditional love, and they can give us just the right amount of responsibility.  To be responsible for the care of little beings who are dependent on us for everything is humbling - especially considering what they offer us such as decreased risk of high blood pressure, lower chances of a heart attack and being a cure to loneliness.  It sounds like more than a fair deal to me.

As always,

Patti



 

Being Happy with What You Have

Lately, my professional and personal life have developed into a quiet routine.  I know what to expect at work, I am in a stable relationship, I regularly volunteer, and I am keeping up my connections with friends and family.  So finally, after so much searching and hoping, I have certainty in my life.

Then why is it during these moments of silent contentment do we get a nagging sense that we should be doing more?  Like at home at work we should be taking on more adventures to challenge us?

I wonder if after many years of dealing with crises as a social worker I have become addicted to the drama.  I am quite experienced at facing difficult situations, and having to deal with it head on rationally. The reason why I wanted to become a social worker is because I wanted to save people.  Not very realistic, I know but I was naive before I entered this field.  I am not so idealistic now, realizing that people have their own responsibility to address their issues and that we as social workers are more of a guide then a Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It to all their life's problems.

And honestly, being on a perpetual roller coaster is emotionally exhausting.  I have had social work jobs that were constantly stressful as there was no predictability.  I have also felt at times that personally I had no means of achieving my life's goals because I was so drained because of my job.

But now, almost a year into my new social work job, both sides of my life have reached a balance - for the first time in many years.  The crises I deal with at this new job are more moderate and fewer and fewer in between than the ones I have faced previously as a front line child welfare worker.  And personally, I have eradicated all that I have found to be stressful in my life.  I go home in the evenings after work and I have my own quiet routine.  I can get things done but I can also relax.  I am actually feeling productive and well rested. 

Work life balance.  I have finally found that elusive myth and discovered that it's real.  Sure, there are still things I could improve on like getting into better shape but overall I am healthy both physically and mentally and to me that is precious.  I am learning to love my life with the realization that I cannot have it all.

Yet, I do get those feelings that I should volunteer internationally on my vacation, take part time courses relating to my field and consider moving on to the supervisor track at work.  However, I have reached a balance where I am feeling efficient and competent in my life.  I have labelled what is most important to me in my life and made it a priority to only have people and things in my life which I value.  It means having to say "no" sometimes but it is worth it since I feel like I am living my life authentically and true to myself.  But one weakness I have is that like most people I can at times be materialistic.  I can't help but daydream about all the fantastic vacations I want to take, the additional professional degrees/certificates I can accumulate, the expensive furniture and clothing I could buy, and the amazing gifts I can get for my loved ones.  But I do not have the money for this, as I acquired debt while going to school for social work.  And really, should I be trying to buy others love or buying objects just for the sake of accumulating them?

The simple life.  Letting go and living it is not so simple.  But it is worth it to be happy with what you have, as you don't realize how complicated life can get when you are busy overreaching.

Take care,

Patti


Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
- Guillaume Apollinaire