Dating and the Social Worker

I know in early posts this year I mentioned the possibility that I would begin dating again.  The last serious boyfriend I had was before I entered social work school and I do not want to say how many years ago that  has been!

To be honest, it just wasn't a priority.  I had to move away for school and I did not know if I would be staying in that city after I graduated.  Then once I did move across the country and get a social work job, I was more focused on keeping my head above water rather then review my relationship prospects!  Sure, I did a little dating here and there but I just did not have the energy to commit myself to a relationship.  Emotionally I did not have anything left to give to a significant other at the end of the day.  And I wanted my peace and quiet after putting in a long and stressful work day which would often go past the traditional 8 hours!

However, when I got my new social work position last year it provided me with more stability in my life - regular working hours, predictable work environment, clear expectations, and a lack of emotional abuse from clients.  It was refreshing.  And it also gave me with the opportunity to consider other aspects of my life I had been neglecting.

After some cajoling from co-workers and family I decided to wade my baby toe into the tidal wave that is dating.  There were some blips along the way, I got hurt and disappointed but in true social worker fashion I refused to give up - I wanted to have a positive outcome!

So I put in the effort, had a list of qualities in mind which were essential in my future mate and crossed my fingers that I would meet someone special.

I am sure for many social workers, especially those who have been in the field for a long time, our faith in humanity can sometimes falter.  We see the worst of the worst as reflected in negative human behaviour and we often become jaded to the fact that there are any good people left in this world.  I know I had my moments where I wondered if I could find an honest, loyal, good natured guy who would respect me and not use my heart as a punching bag.

It took some effort, but I did find someone who met my above qualifications.  No, he is not perfect, but neither am I.  He does not work in the same field as me, however he understands people.  He is funny, down to earth and emotionally accessible.  Will he ever understand the true nature of the work that I have done as a social worker?  Probably not, no matter how much he tries to empathize.  I often think of our roles as similar to those of police officers, nurses and teachers.  We are part of a helping profession brotherhood and there are some things we have seen that we wish we could forget.  But we also have to be open to moving on.  We do not want to taint what is most precious to us.

Overall, in life we have major crossroads and smaller forks in the road.  After journeying down a new path I decided to take a fork in the road, a type of fork I had not been down in a long time. I needed career stability in my life before I was able to cautiously step forward on this new road and so far, it has been worth it.

As Always,

Patti

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To were it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Depression and the Social Worker

There are a lot of depressed social workers out there.  Some of your colleagues may have confided in you that they have depression or you may even have depression yourself.  And now I am about to let you in on a little secret...I suffer from depression.

I got diagnosed as having major depression, or what I like to think of as chronic depression after I became a social worker.  I am sure I had depression growing up as a child based on the symptoms I experienced which included: unable to feel happy, guilt, hopelessness, overeating, stomachaches and having low self-esteem.  Throughout my childhood I struggled with these negative feelings and they followed me into adulthood.

There is some debate on whether or not a person with a mental illness should lower their expectations when it comes to their personal and career goals.  Stress can often worsen the symptoms of depression and make the illness nearly unbearable.  However, there are those that say if you really want something you should go for it.  I do wonder if I would have gotten into the field of social work if I was given the diagnosis of depression at an earlier age.  At times the stress that comes with the job has been overwhelming and it has affected my personal relationships and how I view myself.  Due to the unpredictable nature of the job and the constant crises it is challenging to keep my emotions stable.

I just cannot handle high stress front line social work positions anymore.  And I seriously doubt if I ever had the mental reserve to do it in the first place.  Now, I still have contact with clients, however my work is less crisis driven and more collaborative.  The stories that people share with me are not worthy of causing me secondary trauma.  I still get to help people but in a more clearly defined way.  And 99 % of the time they don't try and make it personal.  They understand I am a professional doing my job within my scope of practice and no lives are on the line.  I can finally breathe.

However, depression is like a slippery snake, hiding in the underbrush and ready to strike - especially when you do not expect it.  It has found me in my new job as well.  It threatens to rob me of my successes as my mind focuses only on the mistakes I have made.  I take the actions and words of my co-workers far too personally and I become very emotionally vulnerable.  However, I hold all this in while I am at work and I collapse emotionally when I get home.  I don't want to be around people - I only want to be surrounded by silence.  And I want no additional expectations placed on me in my personal life because I feel like one more thing will make me explode.  I reach my threshold of emotional tolerance and then I need a break from the world.  I hibernate and usually it provides me with an opportunity to get over my negative feelings.  I just let those closest to me know how I am feeling, and  acknowledge that the unhappiness needs to run it's course before it frees me from it's grip.  I also ensure that I take the medication I am prescribed for my depression every day as I cannot afford physically, emotionally, socially or spiritually to stop functioning.  I always want to keep working.

I don't know what advice I can give to any social workers reading this post suffering from depression since it is such a personal biological and emotional mental illness.  Am I going to tell you that you are in the wrong field since you have depression?  No.  But I can tell you that having depression will make your job as a social worker even more challenging.  You will be exposed to poverty, loneliness, suicide, disease, disability, injustice, hopelessness, incarceration and more in your position as a social worker - things that many members of the general public without depression would not want to deal with.  All I can recommend is that you take care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally as a social worker.  Do not make the mistake of putting everyone else's needs above your own.  Try not to take your work home with you at the end of the day, try not to obsess about what you could or shouldn't have done endlessly.  Remember that there was someone doing your job before you came along and there will be someone to replace you when you eventually leave.

So take care my dear readers and know that if you have depression there is nothing wrong with you - you are an amazing social worker despite having this mental illness.

Patti

Happy National Social Workers Month!

In Canada where I work, we celebrate National Social Workers Month in March.  The week it is celebrated can differ depending on the province you live in and this year we celebrated National Social Workers Month from March 3-9.

Don't worry when you are not recognized but strive to be worthy of recognition - Abraham Lincoln

At my particular agency we were provided with generous breakfasts and lunches, a thank you letter from management and a gift.  It was a week whereby fellow social co-workers and I were made to feel  special.  Non-social workers in the office told us how important our work is, how often what we do is challenging and that there is often little reward in it.  I can agree to that.

There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone's life. - Mary Rose McGeady.  

I know at this time various associations of social work put out press releases about the importance of social workers and the social work causes that they are finding of importance.  And then just as quickly as the week begins, it ends.  Our stomachs are fuller, as well as are self esteem and egos.   And then we move on to the next holiday or work celebration.

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness. to pull another hand into the light. - Normal B. Rice

What lingers on my mind is the impact that social workers have had in the past, and what role we want to take on in the future.  Do we want to continue being invisible as we seem to be compared to other helping professionals?  But by our very nature, a large number of us are not instigators so how can great change happen then?

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. - Audre Lorde

And what positive changes are we implementing in our own workplace?  Are we encouraged to be social justice activists within our own agencies, and greater community as a whole?  Or will our intuitive be punished?

As long as I can conceive something better than myself I cannot be easy unless I am striving to bring it into existence or clearing the way for it. - George Bernard Shaw

I would say it depends on the agency you work for and how much the profession of social work is valued by management.  To some agencies having a social worker or social workers on staff is a necessary evil as it is part of a forced mandate.  Then there are other agencies where the role and duties of a social worker is valued.  For each of you social workers reading this post, the environment that you practice social work every day will be different.  Some of you may struggle against larger hurdles - and you may even live in fear because of your job.

Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed. - Abraham Lincoln

But please remember, you are a part of a larger community within your province/state/territory.  There is a world of us social workers joined with the common goals of fighting against poverty, injustice, inequality, violence and oppression - and all in the effort of making lives better for those in need.

The probability that we mail fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. - Abraham Lincoln

Happy National Social Workers Month my friends and keep on fighting the good fight!

Patti

Nothing will divert me from my purpose. - Abraham Lincoln

Volunteering and the Social Worker

Hi Everyone,

I hate to keep apologising for not keeping my blog up to date but this time I have the perfect excuse and it`s not related to work!

I have raised my hand to the call of volunteering.  So now in the midst of taking an online course for work I am also volunteering every week with youths and trying to get another youth volunteering project off the ground.  But it dosen`t really feel like volunteering since I am having a lot of fun and I am passionate about helping children and youth.

Also, on another brighter note, I am now in the process of resurrecting my social and romantic life. It has been years since I have felt connected to my community, which includes making an effort to establish good friendships, or even have the energy to date - as these are just a few of the things that being employed in the wrong social work job can rob you of.  When all your physical and mental energy is taken up by your job and you have nothing left to give, it makes having a well rounded life nearly impossible.  And I can`t tell you enough of what a positive effect that having a good social work job is having on my life.  I actually WANT to help others on my free time!  But I also have clearly defined my boundaries when it comes to volunteering.  I volunteer with a positive organization and although I have responsibility regarding the youth, I am mostly just expected to be a listening ear for them and an activity companion.  I can easily do that!  And for the other volunteer project I am working on, it`s for at-risk youth but I am participating in a committee member capacity which allows me to utilize my previous front line child welfare experience.

A year ago I would never have imagined having the time or ability to be volunteering but when these opportunities came up, I chose them and I did not let them chose me!

Happy Holidays to all my Fellow Social Workers!

Sorry I've been a little late posting.  I meant to update my blog at Christmas but alas with all my time off relaxing, it's slipped away from me.  However, there is still New Years so I am wishing all my readers all the best for 2013 - which includes health, career and relationships!

Since we are only a couple of days until 2013, now is a perfect time to reflect on the last year.
 
Mine was mixed - the start was not good, nor the middle, but I feel like I made up for it at the end.  I had a major health and career crisis which caught me completely off guard.  And it battered my self worth and self esteem pretty badly.  I had to get real with myself about my abilities and what I could handle.  I learnt the pain of having people doubt me.  I had a lot of guilt about my health issues.  All the time, energy and sacrifice I had put into my Social Work career looked and felt like it had been for nothing.  I had to live with being labelled and as hard as it was I knew that many people were hoping I would just give in and walk away from my career.

It made me understand what our clients go through on a daily basis, journeying through a system that is rigged to have many of them fail - and worst of all, revictimize them.  I know I felt like I was being victimized.

But then after all that waiting, jumping through a million hoops that seemed to only hurt me and impede my recovery, new opportunities began to open up and I got a new job.  And surprisingly, I found that I loved it.  But I sure as hell knew that I paid my dues for it.

I made a decision once I started my new position that I didn't want to be just another employee - I wanted to stand out in my enthusiasm.  I wanted to be seen as an obvious asset to my agency.  I wanted to make an impression so that if I ever left the agency I would be remembered, and more importantly MISSED.  And although it has been less than six months since I started this job a lot of people know my name and are talking about my approach to work.  I am no longer afraid to hold in my ideas if I think they will  be of benefit to my clients or the agency.  I care a lot less about criticism and rejection because I have nothing to lose.  I enjoy my job, my clients can see that and it is also reflected in the positive atmosphere that I help to create with my coworkers.  I am not perfect - I often joke that I am the geek in my office but I am real and it has taken a long time for me to accept myself both personally and professionally.

So, where did I intend to go with this long story?  I wanted to show you how much can change in a year, from negative to positive.  Overall, my wish for you dear readers is for you to persevere and recognize your own strength in the coming year.  Oftentimes we are so focused on our clients journey's that we tend to neglect our own.  We too have amazing stories of survival and triumph in the face of great obstacles or tragedies.  Some of us may have had several hard years in challenging Social Work jobs, while others are just graduating and don't know in which direction to begin their Social Work career.  Then there are those of us struggling to juggle family lives with our jobs, facing ever increasing responsibilities at work, and a lack of understanding for the very complicated work we do.  But I don't want you to give up hope for 2013.  I want you to take all that you have dealt with, learnt and overcome in 2012 to become a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.  Aim to be a role model to your clients and your coworkers in 2013.  And more importantly, aim to be a model of courage to yourself.


As Always,

Patti

Bribe and Prejudice

As Social Workers we are trained not to receive gifts from our clients.  In many agencies this is considered unethical practice, especially when we have involuntary clients.  This is to protect clients from being taken advantage of by their workers.

Some agencies have differing opinions about what is considered a gift.  Homemade gifts such as baked goods or a card which cost very little money are accepted as to avoid offending the client.  Sometimes clients just want to genuinely thank their Social Workers and they want to give more than a verbal "thanks."

The reverse happened to me today.  I wanted to give my clients Christmas cards as a sign of good will, however a co-worker told me immediately that it is not allowed at our agency.  Now, my role is definitely not front line child intervention anymore and my clients have great boundaries so I believe they would generally be surprised and delighted with a Christmas card (and not read too much into it).  I don't consider a Christmas card a gift, but I suppose there must be a rule about giving anything to clients in the big agency I work for.  And to be honest I was going to make sure that none of the cards had the word Christmas in them anyways, since I am not particularly religious.

Sigh. I am always looking for inventive ways to develop my professional relationship with my clients, but I suppose this time I have just become a victim to the opposite motion of bribery in the workplace!

Being Positive in an Ever-Negative World

I remember how I was as a Social Worker in my previous positions - just trying to get by and keep my head above water.  I tried to be supportive to my clients and co-workers but there wasn't a lot to be positive about.  Many decisions I had to make and follow through on as a front line Child Welfare worker was not positive.  I had a lot of responsibility and I would constantly worry, hoping that the children on my caseload would remain safe.  I felt older than I was - actually, a lot older.

In many ways a large part of who I was was taken over by my job.  There was little room for creativity, imagination or independence.  There were also a lot of people that I had to answer to: supervisors, management, parents, children, foster parents, extended family, teacher's, principals, support workers, lawyers, judges and so on.  Everyone had their own vested interest and it was hard to always have someone disappointed or angry at me.

Now that I am in a different place professionally I see that I was just not meant to be the constant "bearer of bad news."  I don't always want to be expecting the worst and I don't always want to be the bad guy.  And I wanted to be honest to my co-workers, clients, supervisors and management about who I was.  I was tired of being a generic, personality-less worker.  I realized that 1/3 of my life would be spent at work and I wanted that time to be an extension of who I was during the other 2/3 of the time.

So I began to talk with a more authentic speech, using less jargon and using more realistic language with my clients.  I also gave myself permission to laugh and laugh with my clients.  I brightened up my office and my hair.

I am unappologetically happy and I take every opportunity I can to have fun and make sure my co-workers are having just as good of a time as myself.  There are still busy days, tiring days, and it does take some effort, but being positive sustains others and it helps to give them hope.  You just don't know who you could impact with this attitude, and that is what Social Work is about, positively impacting others.